We’ve been talking to a lot of venues and caterers lately and a common tip they have repeated is to know about how many people you would like to invite. Deciding on your guest list can be a huge endeavor. You don’t have unlimited resources but don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings – who should make the cut?

Start by knowing your budget. You need to sit down with those that are helping to pay for your big day and figure out what you have to spend. The average wedding budget allots for about 47-50% of the funds to go towards the reception (this includes venue, rentals, food, and beverage). This will give you an idea of where you need to cap your list.

After you know about how many people you can invite – and keep in mind this decision may need to go in conjunction of how many people your venue can hold – you need to start creating your list. Sit down with your fiancé and start writing names. Begin with both of your immediate families and close friends. From there list people in this order: Close extended family, friends, family friends, old friends, distant relatives, co-workers, and then other. (List taken from http://engaged.weddingwire.com/wedding-guest-list/articles/who-you-should-invite-to-your-wedding.html). If you’ve gone over your limit then cut from the bottom and work up. Once you and your fiancé have your list give a target guest count to both of your parents and have them create a dream guest list. You will need to include their suggestions especially if they are helping to pay for the wedding. But keep in mind, if you don’t know the person they want to invite you can remove them from the guest list. Gently remind them it’s your day and you would like people there who you have met to celebrate it with you. Also when it comes to family think about cutting it off at 1 generation separate from you – invite first cousins but your cousins daughters cousin is not necessary. Think as well about the last time you spoke to them, your grandmother, a must; your uncle who you haven’t seen since you were 3, cut them from the list. And talk to your parents about which family members should make the cut. Often they will have spoken to members of the family who are expecting an invitation that you may have not included. This way they can help you decide if it’s ok to not invite someone and they can also smooth over those ruffled feathers.

The other way to make your guest list a little shorter is by deciding on the whole +1 issue. Who gets the option of bringing a date? Who doesn’t? A good rule of thumb for this is: the couples that are married, engaged, or living together get to include their significant other. If they are single or newly dating it is ok to not invite their +1. A few ways to go about this would be to try and include the name of the spouse/fiancé/significant other on the invitation – this makes it clear whether or not they are invited. If they can’t bring a +1 don’t even include the option on the RSVP card. If in doubt people will normally ask, but you don’t want them showing up with a date and not having a seat or a meal for them (though caterers often have a few extra portions, so it wouldn’t be the end of the world).

You also need to decide if children will be invited to the reception. Think about your venue and theme, is it family friendly? Then sure, let the kids come. But if it’s a little fancier, later at night, or the venue is not a good atmosphere for children, maybe don’t include them. It’s really up to you, but again make it clear on the invitations. If children are not invited say something like, “We are having an adult only reception, so please no children under the age of ____.” You can also include some great child care options, or for out of town family hire some yourself – and while this won’t help your budget, it will help some people be able to be there while keeping the feel of the reception you want. If you do opt to include children remember, the kids meals really don’t cost that much and they are so adorable on the dance floor.

So you’ve decided who to invite, how do you plan for how many people will actually show up? Weddings.com says, A good idea is to invite the number of people you can afford and then as you
start getting RSVPs for no have a “B” list of people you will invite. Also keep in mind how many are local and how many are out of town. Try this formula: (# of out of town guests * 65%) + (# of local guests * 90%) = total # estimated to attend. (Taken from: http://weddings.about.com/od/getorganized/a/howmanyinvite.htm). While other references say plan on about 20% saying “No” to your invite, so you can send out a few extra invitations to make up for that percent that can’t come. Once it gets closer to your wedding date if you haven’t received an RSVP from people, call to follow up. Let them know you need to finalize the numbers for the caterers and politely ask for a yes or no. Make sure you speak to them directly though since people can ignore emails. I would start this process around 2 weeks before so that you can have the final numbers, but also so it’s not last minute.

No matter what you decide make rules about your guest list and stick to it. No children? Don’t make an exception because it will hurt someone’s feelings. No +1’s you don’t know? Don’t let anyone talk you into it. Can only afford 200 guests? Don’t break your budget to invite your aunt’s neighbors whole family that you met one time 10 years ago. It will be ok, your aunt will be fine. And if you go over on your reception budget something else will lose out.

Lastly, people always ask if you should invite any exes to the wedding. As a general rule I would say no. You are starting your new life with your fiancé why do you want to bring your old baggage? Especially if it will make the other person uncomfortable (if that’s the case why are you still friends with your ex? But that’s a whole different post :) Are there some random exceptions? Maybe. I have yet to think of a great reason unless they are one of your fiancés good friends. Even if they are dating someone new and have moved on why do you want them there? We all saw what happened to April on the Grey’s Anatomy mid-season finale right? Her wedding was interrupted by an Ex because she decided to invite him. So just leave them off the guest list, there’s really no reason they need an invite.

I hope this helps as you start to narrow down your guest list. If only you had unlimited resources and could invite everyone right? Just keep in mind it’s your day and there is the possibility you could hurt someone’s feelings. Talk with your fiancé, your parents, and his parents to help make those decisions, but in the end it’s your wedding and that person will get over not getting invited. You always have the option of inviting people to the ceremony, but not the reception (like that neighbor of your aunt). Just have a separate invitation for ceremony only. In the end, don’t stress about it too much or make this process more difficult than it needs to be but surround yourself with the friends and family that will support you in your marriage and your day will be great.